Five Lessons from Supporting Grieving Families

© TCFQ and Iona Murray

Losing a child is one of the toughest experiences a family can face. The Compassionate Friends Queensland (TCFQ) provides support to those who are navigating this difficult journey. This peer-led organisation offers a space for bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents to connect with others who truly understand their grief.

TCFQ is part of a broader national and international network dedicated to supporting families after the death of a child. They offer a range of services, including support groups, phone support, and helpful resources for coping with loss.

Meet Peter Hobson

Peter Hobson is the President of both TCFQ and the national organisation TCF Australia. He and his wife Erin joined TCFQ in 2016 after the tragic loss of their son, Brendan. Since then, they've become deeply involved in the organisation, offering support and guidance to countless grieving families.

Here on the Beyond the Expected Substack, we share insights from those who have experienced loss and those who help others through it. Volunteers working in peer-to-peer organisation very often have suffered a loss and are helping others. This gives them a unique perspective. I asked Peter to share five key lessons he's learned from his work with TCFQ. This is what he shared with me.

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Five Lessons from Supporting Grieving Families

Lesson 1 - Shit happens

I don’t like it, and I didn’t welcome suffering into my life, but it happened.  I may have known intellectually that “suffering is part of the human condition” – but you really know when the human is you. 

Lesson 2 - Lots of things can help

Read books and articles, talk with friends, family and professionals, go to support groups, religious institutions, spiritualists and psychics if that fits your beliefs.  There are no good or bad places to get help.  What can be hard is to also temper this by honestly asking if what you are doing is helping or harming. 

Lesson 3 - "Moving on" is a myth

Early on I saw A TED talk from Nora McInerny that really made sense to me, that we don’t "move on" from grief, we move forward with it.  This is how it is for me……I recognise that I will grieve for the rest of my life…

Lesson 4 - There are others like me to connect with

I found value in peer support - listening to the experiences of others has helped me reach a perspective to deal with my own grief.   Losing a child has made me feel both alone and isolated and yet is also how I have connected on a deeper level to others bereaved like me.  However this is not "given" - just because someone has similar experience to yours, doesn't mean you will connect with that person.

Lesson 5 - Grief affects all parts of your life

It chews up your emotional, physical, and mental bandwidth. You can have brain fog, lack of desire for things you used to do, tiredness, all sorts of emotions that you would not have thought yourself to be subject to.

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