When you cannot call anyone else
The Beyond the Expected Substack is ultimately my individual perspective on navigating my own unexpected loss. As time progresses, I have and will be involving perspectives from others who have experienced grief and work with grieving families. The posts Five Lessons from Supporting Grieving Families and Wisdom From an Experienced Grief Counsellor are examples of this.
This post includes from an individual who is really working at the front line. Jen Reading works with The Compassionate Friends Queensland (TCFQ). She lost her son Michael several years ago. She works at the secretary and administrative support for the organisation. During business hours she may be booking a venue or ordering stationary for the office. Conversely, she may be talking to a parent who has recently lost a child or talking to a person that has been referred via Queensland Police Service after a recent death in their family. This can occur all the in the same day.
I would not be able to verify this but currently on a weekly basis I imagine she is talking to more people in the initial stages of grieving a terrible loss than anyone in Queensland. Jen is supporting people in a raw and emotional state who are calling her very often becuase they do not know who else to call at that time.
We often hold idealised notions of how people should behave in the face of tragedy. But grief, in its raw and unfiltered form, can expose less comfortable truths about human nature. Jen's experiences at the forefront of grief have given her a unique understanding of these complexities. Whether we wish them to be true or otherwise. Jen interacts with a wide range of people, from those needing brief support to those engaging in deep and lengthy conversations. This breadth of experience gives her valuable insights into the grieving process. For this Substack, I'm interested in the key lessons she's learned from these interactions. I have included five of these things below.
Five things I have learnt from supporting greiving people - Jen Reading
Every loss is unique and cannot be compared. There is no set pattern or time limit for grief.
Whilst we are all different, I have found it gives others comfort to know they are not alone. That someone else really does feel and understand their pain.
Some partner/families can help/support each other. Some find it difficult or even impossible to do. Some may have issues in their relationships due to this.
It is a common fact that some parents no longer want to remain in the world without their child. This does not necessarily mean that they don’t want to be here, rather more than them wanting to be where their child is.
Parents can have a loss of sense of purpose even if they have other children.